you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
