His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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