First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
