I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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