So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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