Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
