Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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