This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
