i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
