I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
