im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Did I show you my penis last night?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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