My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
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