Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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