She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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