i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
