She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
