so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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