my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
