I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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