you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
