I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
