apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
