I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
