I'm gonna have a badass scar
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
