i wish my penis had a tongue
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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