you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
third nipple confirmed
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
