Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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