this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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