having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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