I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
