the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
