New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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