All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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