when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
