His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
