and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
