Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
