I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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