Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
