God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
