This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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