Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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