You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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