I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
