I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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