I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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