wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
