Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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