Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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