I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
