I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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