I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
