Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
