It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
