Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
