fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
