Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
this hospital has no fireball
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
