I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize