you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
