i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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