Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
