We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
