You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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