guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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