You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
