so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
