32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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