I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
