My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
