Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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