then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
