White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
