All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
