cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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