Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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