i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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