she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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