Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
