you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
