i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize