If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
