party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
no you cant smoke seaweed
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
