omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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