it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
