Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
