Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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