The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
