I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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