Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
