Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
