the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
