her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
