She's JV to your varsity
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
