Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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