By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
