____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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