Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
