Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
