If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
There's always time for handjobs
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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