I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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