We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
