took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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