I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
