How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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